Teens and Grief
Teens, under normal circumstances, are dealing with many
changes due to raging hormones and searching for their own
identities. Therefore, it is no wonder that dealing with the
death of a sibling, parent, or friend from school can throw
their lives into even more chaos and confusion. Teens are
not prepared for the death of someone they care about and
how it will effect them. In their world, "only old people
die." In their world they are invincible and immortal as are
all those close to them. That is why it is not uncommon for
them to go around "dazed" with shock and disbelief when
someone close to them dies. Teens go through the grief
process with many of the same emotions as anyone else:
sadness, denial, depression, and confusion.
However, teens
are also unique in their grief. Teens often feel a more
intense sense of helplessness and lack of control. They
often ask "Why?" or think "If only!" They often are
experiencing feelings that are new and confusing for them.
Boys are especially vulnerable to complication from grief
because they have been socialized to be tough. They may
resist showing or feeling their sadness because it will make
them appear weak. Often boys display anger rather than
sadness because not only is it less painful, but it is an
emotion with which they are more familiar. There are things
that can be done to help teens through their grief process.
First, reassure them that the feelings they are having are
normal. Encourage teens to express those feelings. This can
often be done through a support group at school or church,
as well as with family and friends. It is important to find
a way to commemorate the life and memory of the deceased.
Writing letters to the deceased or making a memory box can
be a way to do this. Help teens find healthy coping skills
for their grief. It is also important for teens to return
to their normal routine of life, even though that routine
will have intermittent bouts of grief and, possibly even,
survivor guilt.
There are warning signs that a teen is not
coping with their grief and may need additional support or
help. These signs include having difficulty sleeping, losing
interest in friends or school, becoming more aggressive and
acting out, talk of suicide, or beginning to use alcohol or
drugs to numb the pain. Parents and school personnel need to
be aware of these signs and take action. A first step can be
to get counseling for your teen.
School counselors, family
doctors, or pastors often know of counselors who specialize
in grief therapy and can help your teen through this
difficult time. Don't assume your teen will "get over it" on
their own when the above behaviors occur. These are clear
indications that your teen is not able to cope with the pain
and loss on their own. Help them through this difficult time
by getting them counseling and offering your support.
Additionally, it is important to be aware that there are
times that may be especially difficult for your teen and
their grief. Studies show that about three months after the
death, the anniversary of the death, and special occasion
like holidays or proms and graduations can be particularly
painful. Be there to acknowledge your teens’ pain and loss,
the change in their lives, and the sadness. Reassure them
that, although, this is very difficult, it is normal, it is
a process, and, that in time, the pain will subside.
Judith Wimpee, MA is a psychotherapist serving the Highlands
Ranch, Littleton and South Denver, Colorado area. She
specializes in grief and loss therapy. Grief and loss can
occur from divorce, job loss, moving, and children leaving
home as well as death. She can be contacted at 303-595-5454
or at JWimpeeMA@a...
posted by Lady's Heart of the Home @ 8:14 PM
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