Stepfamily advice

By Lisa Cohn

Stepgrandmother Should Try To Understand How Stepgrandchildren Feel

Dear Lisa,
My mother is always concerned about doing the "appropriate" thing and
that is to be commended, but I have a concern about certain actions on
her part. I was hoping that you would tell me what would be the
"appropriate" thing for her to do in the following situation.
My sister has two children from a previous marriage and an "ours" child
plus two stepchildren with her current husband. Since my sister’s
marriage, close to 10 years ago, my mother has consistently not acknowledged
the two stepchildren at birthdays or Christmas. Her feeling is that
they already have grandmothers and she is really not related to them.
My sister has tried on many occasions throughout the years to explain
how her actions make the children feel. She has told her in so many
different ways that whether they are stepchildren or not, they are part of
"her" family and that my mother should accept them into the fold of our
family.

Help! We are really frustrated and don't know how to help her
understand that what she is doing is wrong, but maybe she will listen to you.

Thanks for listening! Susi B.

Dear Susi:

Thanks for writing about this important issue.
I agree that your mother’s behavior is likely hurting her
stepgrandchildren. The kids are absolutely part of your sister’s family and your
mother should try to treat them as though they are part of the family.
My co-author, William Merkel, a Ph.D. psychologist, addresses this
issue in our book.

"Relatives’ present-giving can be lethal for kids. With stepfamilies,
the children’s schedules and boundaries are so complicated that kids
often worry, on a primitive level, about whether they’re truly members of
their family. Getting a gift is often a symbol of being included.
Relatives who suggest—with words or innocent oversight—that kids aren’t
really part of the family can spur powerful fears and worries in children,"
he says.

Parents in stepfamilies need to help their relatives try to view the
world from the kids’ point of view. Keep reminding your parents that
their stepgrandchildren really want to feel included.
Often, well-meaning relatives simply don’t know how to behave around
stepfamily members. Remarried parents can help their relatives by giving
them specific advice, he suggests. "Tell the relatives that if they’re
bringing a Valentine’s Day card for one child, they should bring cards
for all the children. Ask the relatives to send holiday money or gifts
to all the children."

Your sister can also help your mom connect with her stepkids by telling
her about their interests and suggesting activities that she can do
with them. With your help and your sister’s help, hopefully she’ll begin
to view the world from her stepchildren’s point of view.
Again, thanks for bringing up this important issue.

Best,
Lisa

Lisa Cohn is co-author of "One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories
and Advice for Stepfamilies (www.stepfamilyadvice.com) and co-host of
Stepfamily Talk Radio, an internet radio show
(www.stepfamilytalkradio.com).

How To Teach Your Baby Sign Language

The word is spreading. Sign language is a great way to
communicate with pre-verbal babies and toddler. New moms
everywhere are grabbing American Sign Language books and
absorbing them feverishly. Pregnancy classes are full of moms
teaching each other basic sign language and day care centers
across the country are training their teachers in sign
language.

Why would you do such a thing?

Some of the benefits of signing are:

Less frustration for baby - Imagine how it feels to grunt and
point and not be able to ask for what you want. Put yourself in
your baby's shoes. You're a baby. You've been playing and
squealing and laughing and now your mouth is dry and you're
really thirsty for milk. You grunt and point and whine for milk
-- and your mother misunderstands and gives you a dry cracker
instead, thinking you're hungry for a snack. You feel very
frustrated and possibly angry. You might even throw the cracker
back at your mother or hit her out of frustration. What if,
instead, you could simply sign milk and get milk? Pure bliss!

Bonding with Parents - Babies who sign are able to interact and
be acknowledged at a younger age. Picture you and your baby
looking at a book about elephants. She can show you that she
understands the story by signing "elephant" to you well before
she could say the three syllable word "elephant". You know that
your baby understands and is benefiting from the story and you
can respond "yes, it is a big elephant", thereby rewarding her
for her efforts.

Sibling bonding - Older siblings are given the tools to bond
with their new brother or sister sooner, because the baby can
sign, well before speech is possible. Not only is there a bond,
but I've witnessed a sense of camaraderie because the older
sibling can act as an interpreter for the baby in situations
with non-signing adults.

How to start
You may, at this point, feel overwhelmed. After all, you are
learning a second language -- with no one to teach you. Please
don't worry. First of all, you only need to learn a few words
to being signing with your baby.

Begin with 4-6 words -- choose a few words that are of
importance to you (words that will make your life easier, like
eat, milk, more, etc.) and also choose some that are of
interest to your baby (for instance, airplane, ball, book, dog,
cat, baby, etc.). This ensures that both of you are rewarded for
your efforts.

Once you choose a few words, you can begin signing whenever you
say those words. When your baby cries, you say "Do you want
milk?" Then, sign milk at the baby's eye level so she will
begin to associate the cause and effect and realize hands MEAN
something!

At what age should you start? You can start from birth on. The
earlier you start, the more time you, as the parent, will have
to get comfortable signing. Babies 6 months and older will
begin to watch your hand movements. Babies 8 months old may
begin to make very rudimentary attempts to sign back to you. By
one year, your baby will likely be signing regularly.

If you have an older baby or toddler who is having frustration
issues or is a late talker, begin signing. Start today.
Toddlers pick up signing very quickly.

Don't think you have to learn an entire language for this to
work. Just learn one sign today and get started. Enjoy the gift
of communicating with your baby!


About The Author: Nicole Dean is the owner of
www.showkidsthefun.com/baby.html , a fun resource for parents
to spend time with their children. For more help getting
started signing, check out SIGN with your BABY Complete
Learning Kit

10 Reasons Why You Need to Ditch the Super Mom Syndrome

Copyright 2005 Peggy Porter

For any of you Moms out there that are doing it all,
attempting to gain Super Mom status, let me give you my own
personal opinion…It’s not worth it!!!

The pursuit of the Super Mom is an endless search that will
be of great cost to you in the end. Here are 10 reasons
why you need to put an immediate halt to this pursuit.

# 1-There is no such thing as a Mom who can do everything
perfect because as far as I am concerned, perfection comes
at a very high price. Seemingly perfect to other people, is
often not the way things really are for the perfectionist.

#2-The Super Mom Syndrome is literally killing women.
Stress related diseases are on the rise and the demands
that women place on themselves today directly contribute to
the stress in their life. This stress is often all
consuming.

#3-There are far too many roles in our life today. Trying
to keep up with the different hats we wear on a daily basis
is sometimes impossible. Feeling the need to be perfect in
them all is exhausting.

#4- Our children miss out on some precious experiences with
us that they can't get back. We are frequently so wrapped
up in our to-do list that we forget to put the really
important things on the list at all.

#5-It’s exhausting!!! Having to do everything that you
feel society expects of you, as a mother is overwhelming.

#6-It’s no fun. How much fun has anyone really had
attempting to do everything perfect???

#7- Your friends will like you more when you can laugh at
your imperfections along with theirs.

#8-Your quality of life will immediately improve. When you
make the decision to give yourself a break and do your own
personal best instead of 100% perfect, a huge weight is
lifted off your shoulders. Anxiety and depression can be
an end result of unrealistic standards that you
consistently place on yourself.

#9-The Super Mom never enjoys the moment. She is always
multitasking and thinking of what needs to be done next.
Life will pass you by before you know it.

#10-Continuing to admire women who can do it all will
continue to place unrealistic demands on mothers to do it
all. Let’s start to admire the mothers who take time to
nurture themselves. Let’s admire the women who can enjoy
the time with the kids at the playground and be really
present when they are reading to their children. Let’s
toast the Moms who admit they can't do it all, all the
time. Let’s congratulate women on their honesty and
ability to ask for help. Let’s start to celebrate our
imperfections instead of beating ourselves up over them.
Let’s stop judging each other and offer support instead.

We are not perfect creatures nor were we meant to be. So
why are we trying to be??? Wouldn't Motherhood be a lot
more fun if it didn't have to be perfect?


About the Author:

Peggy Porter is a nurse, Wellness Coach, and author of
YumME MumME Makeover-How to Balance Womanhood and
Motherhood by Nurturing the Me in MumMe. If you are a Mom
and want to start creating a healthier balance in your
life, go to www.seekingbalance.ca and register for Peggy's
free monthly teleclass and Ecourse! For more info you can
also email peggy@seekingbalance.ca or call 506-832-1117.

Old-fashioned Ways To Inspire Children

Walk through any toy store and you will see walls and walls of
toys that are loud -- toys that require batteries, have
flashing lights, or that look like your child's favorite movie
character.

But, what about those of us who want to raise children with
imagination and curiosity? I'll tell you what we do. We choose
to fill our houses with some of the following old-fashioned
items.

Books
No house can have enough books. Make sure your house has a
representation of great Fiction Books and non-fiction books. A
mix of the two is very important. Most homes have a deficit of
non-fiction books, so fill your home with Science, History and
Art books. Children need to learn to read and appreciate
non-fiction books in order to do well in research when they
reach higher levels of study.

Felt Boards
Children love to tell stories with felt. You'll need a felt
board to start. You can make your own board from a sheet of
felt or purchase a board from one of the suppliers below.

Once you have the board, let the fun begin.

Go to a craft or fabric store and buy sheets of felt in all
colors. Then, cut out shapes in all colors and sizes. (You'll
be amazed at how quickly a child will make an alien, ship,
house, or person out of nothing but a few circles, rectangles,
and triangles.)

Blocks and Legos
Children can play for hours building towers, bridges, cities,
creatures, and more with these toys that inspire creativity,
patience, and small-motor skills. When the masterpiece is
finished, have your child pretend to be a giant and smash
through the blocks -- or grab a few small cars and drive around
the new city! Be sure to name the city and have your child tell
you all about it.

Art Supplies
Give your child some crayons, scissors, junk mail, and glue. He
or she will be entertained for hours if given encouragement.
Please SUPERVISE closely if you don't want your child to have a
self-induced bad haircut or attach the dog to her artwork!

Puppets
Make puppets out of socks, paper bags, felt, cloth, or popsicle
sticks. Make a stage and tell stories. Get out the video camera
and capture your child's brilliance!

Musical Instruments
Whether your musical instruments are home-made with a comb and
wax paper or store bought, making music is a wonderful way to
spend the day. Teach your child that music can be made from
anything, from an old oatmeal container, to scratching two
pieces of sandpaper together. Go on a walk and just listen to
the sounds of the world -- music is everywhere in our lives.

Dress-up Clothes
Get out old prom dresses, big hats, shirts and ties, old
Halloween costumes (or buy extra pieces after Halloween for
year-round fun!). Bring out a box of costumes and watch the
shows with your children as the stars. Keep a camera handy to
capture the fun. Also, keep an eye on the pets. Cats don't
always appreciate wearing a sombrero. Trust me, I have the
scars to prove it!

Doll-houses
There is nothing more fun than watching your child make up
stories as the family members move around in a doll house.
Plus, if it is a wooden dollhouse, there is the added benefit
of decorating it with some wallpaper scraps and carpet
remnants! Your dollhouse could be a family heirloom if you put
enough love into it.

In the Kitchen
Kids love to play Kitchen, whether it is mixing air, or getting
to play with food. Give your child a great time by giving them
safe kitchen utensils to play with in the bathtub. Mixing,
pouring, and scooping bubbles and water entertains my children
long enough for them to look pruny. Or for a fun alternative,
give them puffed rice cereal and some bowls and utensils on the
kitchen floor. Just plan to vacuum afterwards as there'll be
quite a wonderful mess!


About The Author: Nicole is the wacky mom behind
http://www.ShowMomTheMoney.com . Nicole also owns
http://www.ShowKidsTheFun.com - a fun site to inspire parents
to keep the lines of communication open with their children.

Turn off the TV – and Turn on to

By Rae Pica


Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was the
case for a friend, whose mother hauled the appliance right out of
the house at the start of every summer. Surprisingly, Ola and her
siblings didn't miss it, as they managed to keep themselves busy in
other ways. And, today, Ola is glad her mother maintained that
annual tradition, as she learned not to rely on TV to keep her
entertained. She and her two young daughters also tend to be more
physically active than other families she knows – something she
attributes directly to the amount of active play she engaged in as a
child.

Could today's families survive as well without the "tube?" And, if
forced to go without (say, during TV-Turnoff Week: this year April
25 - May 1), would they be physically active or simply resort to
another form of electronic entertainment?

Unfortunately, children today spend the better part of their waking
lives watching television. It's been estimated that between the
ages of two and seventeen American children spend an average of
three years of their waking lives watching TV – and that doesn't
even include time spent watching videos, playing video games, or
using the computer. That's the equivalent of more than fifteen
thousand hours in front of the set (about a thousand hours a year) –
as compared with twelve thousand hours spent in a classroom. The
end result? A total of twenty-seven thousand hours – more than six
years of their young lives – without a whole heck of a lot of
movement.

Why be concerned? The number-one reason is that too much television
results in an unfit individual – adult or child. In 1998
researchers at San Diego State University found that both parents'
and children's performance levels on a simple test of aerobic
fitness (one-mile walk/run) decreased as their viewing increased.
The fact is, children who watch several hours of television every
day have lower fitness levels than those who watch fewer than two
hours.

Worse still, as the hours spent watching TV increase, so does the
likelihood of obesity among children and adolescents. Researchers
are discovering that the percentage of body fat increases along with
the number of hours spent in front of the tube – and that obesity is
lower among children who watch television for one hour or less a
day. The risk actually increases almost two percent for each
additional hour watched!

Of course, even children who aren't overweight or obese can still be
unfit if they participate in too little vigorous physical activity.
Whether it's evident on the outside or not, when the time comes for
them to exert physical energy, they'll likely find their muscles,
heart, and lungs aren't up to the challenge.

Once upon a time, children ran and skipped, climbed trees, jumped
rope, played hopscotch, and rode their bicycles for blocks. Most
likely you remember some of that yourself. Before you were old
enough for school, it seems you were never indoors. You and the
neighborhood children ran screaming through each other's yards and
even down the middle of the streets. You raced each other to the
slide and the swings, chased butterflies, and got grass-stained
practicing your tumbling skills on the lawn.

Once you were in school all day, the instant the bell sounded, you
ran all the way home, shed your good clothes, and were out the door
again. You played touch football, hide-and-seek, and tag. And you
stayed outside until forced to come in. It's no wonder no one ever
worried about your getting enough exercise!

But does all that activity bring to mind what your own children are
doing? Probably not. Today, because children's days are nearly as
scheduled as adults' – and they are driven, rather than walk,
everywhere – we need to "program" movement into our daily lives.

That doesn't have to be as challenging as it may sound. It can be
as simple as putting on some music and holding a dance party in the
living room. Make a game of Statues out of it by inviting your
children to move in any way they want while the music is playing and
to freeze into statues when you pause it. Play Follow the Leader,
or break out the pots and pans and hold a parade around the house.
Play a rousing game of Twister or simply go for an after-dinner
stroll.

Once you've turned off the TV, you'll be amazed at the amount of
time you have together and the creative ways you'll find to spend
that time. Remember, though, that the most important thing you can
do is to serve as a role model. Research has shown that parents'
inactivity may exert more influence on their children's behavior
than being active does. So, if your children see you sitting in
front of the TV during all your free time – if they never see you
exercising or enjoying yourself as you do something physical – your
actions (in this case inactions) will speak volumes. They'll simply
follow suit. Even if you tell them how important it is to be
physically active, they'll have no reason to believe you. So turn
off the TV and turn on to physical activity! Both you and your
children will be glad you did.


Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author
of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and
Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill,
2003). Visit Rae at www.movingandlearning.com.

Tips on getting your child to stop using a pacifier

by Shelley Borle

Limit the time you allow your child to use a pacifier.

Use it only for sleep time and comfort until about 12 months old
and then plan to give it up.

Never use punishment or humiliation to force your child to give
up using a pacifier.

Involve your child in the decision to stop using it by giving
him the choice of throwing it away, putting it away or leaving
it under the pillow for the ‘tooth fairy’.

Start a reward chart to mark your child’s progress.

Praise your child when your child has given up the pacifier and
tell her you are proud that she is growing up.

Allow your child to express his feelings and if your child is
upset or angry, give him special cuddles to help him cope.

If your child asks for the pacifier again (and she probably
will), don’t give in. Remind her that the pacifier is gone and
that she is grown up now.



About the author:
About The Author: Shelley Borle is a Virtual Assistant, Writer &
Expert On Boys. Visit Her Country Variety Lifestyle Magazine
http://www.countryvariety.com/CVL.htm as well as her
CountryVariety.com Professional Virtual Services site
http://www.countryvariety.com
Email
shelley@countryvariety.com

Book Review

The Adventures of Little Fox: Generations
By Marlin L. Houser
ISBN: 0-9752703-1-1
Retail: $7.95 for soft cover

Marhouse Inc.
PO Box 150605
Altamonte Springs, FL 32715
http://adventurefox.com
customerservice@adventurefox.com
marlin@adventurefox.com

The Adventures of Little Fox is not only a heartwarming book filled
with valuable life lessons, it's a book filled with adventure!
Through each captivating page, children learn what it's like to be a
fox—how they bond, how they hunt, how they protect themselves from
predators, how they learn to watch out for human hunters, and how
they live. They even learn the importance of passing down family
values and family history.

In the beginning, we learn about Trecar, a little fox born to two,
loving, caring parents. Her parents, Serena and Timmeno instruct
Trecar in the way of the fox: her daily training consisted of
learning to hunt, stalk, track, and hide.

Halfway through the story Trecar is living on her own when a
stranger, a fox by the name of Cody, happens upon her den. Cody got
separated from his family and never learned to hunt or mark his
territory. Trecar could sense that he needed someone to guide him so
she offered to let him stay with her while she trained him in the
ways of the fox.

Time passes and the two fall madly in love. They conceive a child
together and begin to build a life for themselves when Cody is
injured and taken away by a human. The human nursed Cody back to
health, while Trecar and her new pup searched high and low for their
loved one. After a few days, Trecar gave up hope of ever finding her
husband again and began teaching her little pup, Little Fox, the ways
of the fox.

But one day, while Trecar was hunting, Little Fox wanders off on his
own—in search of his mother. He meets many interesting creatures
along the way, he befriends a squirrel, learns to swim and so much
more. By no short miracle, Little Fox, Trecar, and Cody find each
other and their little family is reunited with tears and laughter.

This is a wonderful book that is sure to become a family treasure.


Alyice Edrich is a freelance writer specializing in short product
reviews for BUSY parents. Visit her online magazine, The Dabbling Mum
(http://thedabblingmum.com), for no-hype home business ideas, writing
tips, parenting advice and a way you can earn $50 in two hours!

Watch Your Child Progress

by Anil Vij

As a parent, you can learn a lot about your child's learning and
watch for signs of possible problems. Here are some things to
look for and to discuss with his teacher:

Starting at age 3 or 4:
Does your child remember nursery rhymes, and can he play rhyming
games?

At about age 4: Can your child get information or directions
from conversations or books that are read aloud to him?
Kindergartners:Is your child beginning to name and write the
letters and numbers that he sees in books, on billboards and
signs, and in other places?

At age 5:
Can your child play and enjoy simple word games in which two or
more words start with the same sound? For example: "Name all the
animals you can think of that start with d."

At ages 5 and 6:
Does your child show that he understands that spoken words can
be broken down into smaller parts (for example, by noticing the
word big in bigger)?
Does he seem to understand that you can change a small part of a
word and make a different word (for example, by changing the
first sound and letter of cat, you can make hat, sat, mat, bat,
rat, and so on)?

About the author:
Anil Vij is the creator
of the ultimate parenting toolbox, which has helped parents all
over the world raise smarter, healthier and happier children ==>
http://www.expertsonparenting.com Sign up for Anil's Experts On
Parenting Newsletter - just send a blank email ===> mailto:
parentingnews@aweber.com